You reposted in the wrong monster factory

There are a couple things I was hoping to clarify, if you wouldn't mind. And I especially appreciate the revisions you suggested-they will come in handy when version 2 is being developed. It really helps the design process to have such comprehensive analysis from another reader. Very, very helpful feedback! Thank you so very much for taking the time to go through and methodically break down where some things fulfilled your expectations and where others fell short.

Fortunately, Herbert avoided such practices when writing Dune. So while his chapters were wonderfully crafted and framed, they were longer than his peers might have written them. Dickens, for instance, is absolutely notorious for long-winded passages that were purely meant to inflate his word count to maximize how much he got paid. Of course, there were some drawbacks to the practice. That translated to how he wrote his novels. Scott FitzGerald originally wrote screenplays and had to make each and every scene count since it took a lot of work to create the sets. Even The Great Gatsby was written this way, as F. You see it all the time with writers who are accustomed to dividing a book into segments that they are able to keep a consistent pace throughout. It's the same thing with Dune, which was serialized in Analog magazine. Interesting point: this is a hallmark of serialized stories.ДЄ great many of the classics, especially those by Charles Dickens, Robert Louis Stevenson, and Elizabeth Gaskell, are structured in carefully planned chapters because their books were originally written and published chapter by chapter. It provides a sort of instant gratification in how the scenes and plot progress, which makes me want to keep reading. My favorite thing about the book is how the chapters flow. They're so 'monk-y' that I feel they actually belong in the core class. Interestingly, the benefits of the Sufficient Ki and Monastic Madness features are literally on my list to add to my revised monk, The Adept, for the second round of playtesting, though I was going to push the ki boost to tier 2. The 6th-level feature is missing the obligatory 'but not above 20' language.

If you're looking for a 'monk-y' thing to do at that level, maybe they can maximize the damage of one attack roll per turn if they have advantage? 'Oh, you're distracted? Let me strike you right in the nerves!'

Many people play with feats in their game, and that already unbalances things enough. I generally dislike simply granting or reprinting feats as (sub)class features (though I admit that I inadvertently do it on occasion). The 3rd-level Mobile feature is kind of underwhelming. There are a few things I'd change, though. In comparison to other monk subclasses, I think it looks pretty good.

You reposted in the wrong monster factory